Dr. Fugazzi’s Vaccine Mandate

When Dr. Fugazzi stepped up to the microphone, he didn’t waste any time getting to the point. With a voice that was both resonant and resolute, he said, “The anti-vax extremists must answer for their crimes against humanity. They are responsible for the surge of the virus. They are responsible for the overcrowding in our hospitals. They are responsible for the increased rate of infection among children. The children! They and they alone, are responsible for the deaths we are now seeing.”

Members of the audience nodded and murmured in agreement.

Dr. Fugazzi raised his volume. “We’re going to crack down, once and for all, on all these anti-vax anarchists. Their refusal to follow the science is killing us. Their disgusting selfishness is killing us. Their non-compliance is killing us. This isn’t imposing our will on anyone. This isn’t taking away anyone’s freedom. This is a matter of life and death. By not wearing their masks and by not taking their medicine, the filthy anti-vaxers are a real and present danger. And not just to some of us. They, through their stubborn refusal to comply with rules established for the common good, threaten humanity itself.”

Fugazzi paused, dramatically. “You heard me correctly. They’re not merely going to bring an end to life as we know it. These terrorists are going to bring an end to us. It’s their intention.”

Beads of perspiration were forming on Fugazzi’s bald head. “Refusing to take the jab is both an irrational and intentional act of defiance. For their own good, and for the good of humanity, they must get their shots. They can still do so voluntarily, but if they continue to refuse, we will do what’s necessary. We will arrest and restrain the extremists and we will see to it that they take their medicine.”

Audience members were on their feet and clapping.

“Are you with me?” Fugazzi asked.

The applause got louder.

“I asked, are you with me?”

People were cheering and stomping.

“Are you with me?”

The sound inside the Civic Center was deafening.

“The extremists must no longer be allowed to participate in our economy.”

Cheers.

Dr. Fugazzi was in full rant. “Their property will be seized. Their houses, their businesses, their ability to earn a living. Why should any of these anarchists have anything when they care nothing for the rest of us, when they care nothing for humanity at all? We’re going to gather them up and ship them to compliance camps which are already in place. There, they can live in peace among their own kind, for a while. Then we will systemically enter those compliance centers and give them the vaccine by force. We will have order. We will have compliance. We will have our population fully vaccinated. And we will defeat the virus!”

When the applause died down, Dr. Fugazzi looked to his left where a gurney was being rolled onto the stage by two soldiers who looked like they could have been pro linebackers. A man was strapped to the gurney, his mouth shut with duct-tape.

When the gurney was near center stage, Fugazzi took a step toward it. “This is one of our leading anti-vax extremists.”

The man was moving around, but not much since the restraints were quite tight.

“Pathetic, isn’t he?” Fugazzi asked.

A golden medical cart was rolled out. Fugazzi put on latex gloves and then held up a glittering tray the size of a communion plate. On it, there was a vial and a syringe.

“This is our answer! This is our protection from the virus! Are we not thankful for the science that brought it to us?”

Members of Team Vax who had been planted throughout the auditorium started chanting, “Take the jab. Take the jab. Take the jab.” The rest of the audience chimed in.

Fugazzi picked up the vial and the syringe, stuck the syringe through the top, and withdrew the vaccine. Speaking quietly to the two soldiers, he said, “Hold him very still. I don’t want to break the needle off in his arm.”

Although the man’s movements seemed erratic, Fugazzi could see there was a certain rhythm. When he thought the moment was right, he jabbed the man, pushed the plunger, and withdrew the syringe. “There, there, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” he asked the muzzled man on the gurney.

When the applause subsided, Fugazzi said, “It distresses me that some people make this simple procedure so difficult. However, they must be taught that non-compliance will not be tolerated. It’s for their own good and for the common good. Someday, he will be thanking me. Long live the jab! Long live the common good! Long live humanity!”

Copyright 2021, Danny Murphy